A Fourth Option (fb)

My new friend Steve works with families battling breast cancer.  We met on a long bike ride and he floated out this little wisdom nugget then moved on like it was something that everybody knows.  But everybody doesn't know.  He was talking about the astounding statistics on the number of men that bail on their wives during the breast cancer battle.  And he said "when men are faced with a tough situation they choose one of three options":  


1.  Control It
2.  Fix It
3.  Get away from it


He tries to help men find a fourth option when faced with something they definitely can't control or fix.


A couple of years ago my friend David Brown floated a similar wisdom nugget out during an innocent lunch.  "People have heard that finances are the number one reason that Christians get divorced but that's not true.  In my experience it is this- male withdrawal in the face of conflict."  


Families, marriages, communities, and nations need a generation of men who will seek a fourth option in the face of conflict.  My friend Diane calls it GMS - "good male strength."  It is a tender tenacity born from humility - a humility that is grounded in complete surrender to a God who is strong when we are weak.  The fourth option looks anything but weak, anything but passive - it engages, it revels in things that were once in the dark being exposed to the light, it seeks wisdom in community, delights in accountability, and embraces utter dependence on the presence and power of the one called Counselor.