Healing by Community (fb)

A recent Wall Street Journal article told the story of Lance Corporal Seth Voie- how he watched his best friend killed by a mine- how he dealt with the incredible loss- how the Marines are rethinking emotional trauma and how to best help men like Lance Cpl. Voie.

The devastation experienced by Lance Cpl. Voie in Afghanistan takes place in hearts and lives every day- the unexpected death of a loved one, the betrayal of a spouse, financial ruin.  Things that involve loss – loss that feels like total loss of everything.  How does one begin to rebuild, replace, relive…re-live…live again?

I wouldn’t pretend to know how most people, most cultures handle heart trauma- but have watched one particular people-group enough to have noticed a pattern.  They tend to linger in denial, over-spiritualize, retreat, isolate, and seek specialized individual treatment- usually in the form of paid counselors.  Sometimes there is an initial reaction of generosity in the form of food and cards, but by and large, the community tends to give space- content to wait until the grieving one reengages at their own pace, in their own way, if ever at all.  There is a general sense that healing is best left to trained professionals.  It’s not surprising, since this particular culture has generally embraced paid specialists for many of the significant parts of community life.

So what did the Marines do with a heartbroken Lance Corporal Voie?   “Sgt. Tippett and his men rallied around Lance Cpl. Seth Voie…There was no formal therapy, no group intervention, just casual conversations.  They shared stories of lost friends and gruesome moments.  They let him mourn, but refused to let him wallow in “why-him?” and “what –if?”  They kept him fighting.”  The Marines have been studying mental-health issues intently, referring to research that the Israeli military did in the 1980s.  “The latest research suggests troops handle battlefield stress better, and avoid post-war problems more often, when they heal among their comrades.”  “The closer they are to their buddies, and the company they trained and deployed with, the better chance you have of returning them to combat.”  The Marines are finding out that soldiers’ hearts heal best when they are quickly connected to their community and reengaged in their mission. 

All of the biblical material that describes this global community called Church jibes with the following in regards to trauma and healing:

-       Expect regular trauma at a deep heart level as a result of living in the “now but not yet”- we are an army at war and there will be casualties

-       Much of that trauma is relational and some can be avoided with an intense commitment to healthy relationships and aggressive conflict resolution “in the family”

-       The most dangerous thing a wounded person can do is to become isolated from their community

-       Healing should primarily take place in the context of community and mission.  Community is a group of people who do life together.  Mission is the lifestyle of the community called Church – it isn’t a meeting or an activity, it certainly isn’t formal “ministry.”  Under no circumstances should something involving a stage or a title be confused with mission- generally those things are hindrances to healing.

The Marines are discovering principles that a Creator built into our communal DNA.  Perhaps the next generation of American Christians will have the courage to love our wounded differently.

*  All quotes are from the article “Rx for Combat Stress: Comradeship”  Wall Street Journal April 2, 2011.

A Fourth Option (fb)

My new friend Steve works with families battling breast cancer.  We met on a long bike ride and he floated out this little wisdom nugget then moved on like it was something that everybody knows.  But everybody doesn't know.  He was talking about the astounding statistics on the number of men that bail on their wives during the breast cancer battle.  And he said "when men are faced with a tough situation they choose one of three options":  


1.  Control It
2.  Fix It
3.  Get away from it


He tries to help men find a fourth option when faced with something they definitely can't control or fix.


A couple of years ago my friend David Brown floated a similar wisdom nugget out during an innocent lunch.  "People have heard that finances are the number one reason that Christians get divorced but that's not true.  In my experience it is this- male withdrawal in the face of conflict."  


Families, marriages, communities, and nations need a generation of men who will seek a fourth option in the face of conflict.  My friend Diane calls it GMS - "good male strength."  It is a tender tenacity born from humility - a humility that is grounded in complete surrender to a God who is strong when we are weak.  The fourth option looks anything but weak, anything but passive - it engages, it revels in things that were once in the dark being exposed to the light, it seeks wisdom in community, delights in accountability, and embraces utter dependence on the presence and power of the one called Counselor.

No fail weight loss strategy (fb)

Listening to an NPR interview with the authors of the Longevity Project - an 80 year project studying the factors that contribute to longevity or the lack thereof.  A caller asked the question on everybody's mind, "You have stated that the key to longevity is the lifestyle choices that we already know about - eat lean meats, lots of veggies, portion control, exercise, etc.  But did you discover the best way to implement that lifestyle?"  The author answered with no hesitation, "Fantastic question - yes, we discovered that there is one factor that virtually guarantees success in starting and/or maintaining a lifestyle leading to longevity."  His enthusiasm had me riveted to hear that answer.  Books, videos, programs, places, and people bring in bajillions every year selling things that claim to provide the answer to the question - but this guy was claiming the one surefire thing - free- on NPR.  "The key to a healthy lifestyle is to hang around healthy people."  


Of course it is.  The key to any lifestyle change is to be in community with people who value the things you value.  It is the way Jesus modeled how to teach one-another to live in his Kingdom.  You hang out with people who value the things Jesus values - the things he modeled and taught in places like Matthew 5.  You don't do discipleship via book, program, study, class, or creed.  You get discipled by doing life with disciples.  Figure out who you want to be and then hang out with people who are more like that than you are - or at least are heading in the same direction.


I experienced a moment on Thursday.  Four men that I want to be like spontaneously showed up at the same place at the same time.  We laughed and made small talk.  That moment filled my sails with a mega-dose of faith.  


Want to be synical and bitter?  Hang around the bitter synics.
Want to be a lush?  Hang with lushes.  
Want to be a health freakazoid?  Hang around with people who are obsessed with their bodies.  
Want to be a go-kart racer?  Find the go-kart racers.  
Want to sit and listen?  Connect primarily with the sitters and listeners.  
Want to be a fearful parent?  Hang around fearful parents.  
Want to be proud?  Hang with the proud.  
Want a humble heart characterized by dogged dependence on the presence and power of the Holy Spirit - driven by heartsick gratitude for one who would call us beloved?  ...  You will find them in a place that is guaranteed to make you uncomfortable - and once you do - accept the invitation to the table- and stop believing you don't belong.

The Narrow Road (fb)

from Wimber tonight - he is dropping bombs...


"The economy of the Kingdom of God is quite simple.  Every new step into the Kingdom costs us everything we have gained to date.  Every time we cross a new threshold, it costs us everything we now have.  Every new step may cost us the reputation and security we have accumulated up to that point.  It costs us our life...If there is anything that characterizes Christian maturity it is a willingness to become a beginner again for Jesus Christ."  


May I say again I do love Him with all my heart - resolved that the best days in Jesus are always in the future not in the past- and accepting that the journey to intimacy is the continual embrace of becoming a child again.  He is the treasure worth buying the farm for.

Systemic Racism (fb)

Drug sentencing laws have long been one of the most blatant examples of systemic or institutional racism.  This chart in a recent article in the WSJ (Crack Sentences Still Tough, 12.22.10, Gary Fields) clearly reveals that we've got a long way to go.


Alexis de Tocqueville, commenting on the American experiment in 1835, said "I do not imagine that the white and black race will ever live in any country upon an equal footing.  But I believe the difficulty to be still greater in the United States than elsewhere.  An isolated individual may surmount the prejudices of religion, of his country, or of his race, and if this individual is a king he may effect surprising changes in society; but a whole people cannot rise, as it were, above itself.  A despot who should subject the americans and their former slaves to the same yoke, might perhaps succeed in commingling their races; but as long as the american democracy remains at the head of affairs no one will undertake so difficult a task; and it may be foreseen that the freer the white population of the United States becomes, the more isolated it will remain." (Democracy in America)  But our hope doesn't lie in our system of government, our hope is in a group of people called Church who live differently because they reserve their highest loyalty for their King- a king who has already surmounted all prejudice.


According to a 2000 study by Michael Emmerson and Christian Smith (Divided by Faith) only 4% of white Protestant Christians believe that racism is among the top issues Christians should be concerned with.  Contrast that with 25% of African-American Protestants who believe that it is the number one issue that Christians should be concerned with.  


Systemic racism is perpetuated when we deny that it exists.  We don't have to look for hints and whispers, there are shouts all around if we'll pay attention.  Change begins with awareness - the Bible calls that "bringing the darkness into the light."   It can change in one generation but it will require the Church really being the Church at her most radiant - astonishing at her unity through diversity and tenacious heart for the justice of the true King and his Kingdom.

He noticed me (fb)

"He noticed me."  That phrase has haunted me in the most wonderful way for weeks now.  It comes into my mind when I'm driving to work, at random times during the day and when I lie down at night.  The words were spoken by a teenage girl in a song that she wrote during an incredibly intense time in her life.  Intense, exciting, scary, uncertain, supernatural.  I wish I could tell you more about her I really do.  Was she outgoing or shy?  Popular or unknown?  Beautiful or challenged?  Easily embarrassed or life of the party?   The answers to those and a gagillion other questions we don't know, we aren't supposed to know.  I'll tell you what we do know. She was a teenager- with all the fear, insecurity, confusion, hope, and longings that teenage girls have.  She was from a smallish town that was kind of a "not such a big deal" place.  She had a fiance.'  She had never had sex- which I think is the thing we're most supposed to know.

Suddenly in the midst of a life probably not unlike the lives of her friends and their moms before them- another world breaks through with an excitement almost uncontainable.  It began with an angel, glowing from exposure to 180-proof glory- enough to make any teenage girl or warrior fall on their face- standing in her room talking to her.  The angel told her God knew her, wanted to bless her, that she would become pregnant, name the child Jesus, and watch as the child became King over a kingdom that would never end.  Overwhelming, outrageous, too much to process, happening so fast - what must she have thought?

She became pregnant and soon went to visit a relative, a woman named Elizabeth.  Elizabeth was older, a woman who loved God, who had recently had some supernatural events breakthrough into her world as well.  Did Mary go to see Elizabeth for perspective?  Wisdom?  Some time away to process?  The answers to those and a gagillion other questions we don't know, we aren't supposed to know.  I'll tell you what we do know.  Elizabeth practically fell at Mary's feet when Mary walked in the door, declaring her to be the most "blessed of all women."  Elizabeth reacted as human beings who have longed for God's presence for a lifetime respond when He enters their world.  What must Mary have felt?  Like teenage girls before and after she wrote a poem, a song, a journal entry- she had to get it down- what she was thinking and feeling.  And knowing now what we do know now- we can claim her song as our own.  An expression of a heart that has been made new by the life and death and life of Jesus.

She begins... "My heart praises God, He makes my soul happy because He noticed me"

May I tell me and may I remind you that what was true of her is true of us?  When the human heart experiences the reality that He noticed me the religion goes out the door and the relationship becomes consuming in a way that would turn anyone into a lovesick singer-songwriter.  "He noticed me...He knows my name...He's real and close not far away...He pursued me...He knows EVERYTHING and He still wants to be my friend...His mercy is compelling...the reality of God intervening in my life has changed its trajectory forever and I am finally discovering what life is and who I am - I'm starting to Live!"

For 2000 years the Church has called Mary's song the Magnificat - but you can call it He Noticed Me- may it haunt you in the most wonderful way.

Unity is and is not (fc)

As Jesus sent his disciples out to do his works he didn’t say, “now be nice to each other and you’ll see the sick healed and demons flee and hearts transformed.”  He said “Don’t go alone; be careful!  I’m sending you out like sheep among wolves, expect to be imprisoned, expect persecution, expect to stand before politicians and princes, expect to be rejected by brothers and fathers, expect strife, but stand firm to the end because my Father will give you everything you need- in fact- it makes Him happy to give you his entire Kingdom!”

Paul, Peter, James – all of them say expect it to be hard- you’ll be tempted to blame each other but remember, you’re fighting demons not each other (Eph 6).

If we want unity it won’t feel like unity most of the time-  it will feel like we’re barely hanging on to each other.  Real unity, REAL community comes at a great price- we surrender our rights for the sake of Christ and one another.  We together go on a journey of dying to ourselves and living to Christ and it’s hard.

If it’s going well it will drive you into 2 places: 

1.     To your knees in desperate prayer

2.     Into hard conversations